I am human.

And I have made mistakes.

I have learned so much from those mistakes.

The hard part is telling someone about your flaws.

Courage fleets away when I need it.

Jason

Where I am at today

My life continues to run this endless maze of obstacles. I never know what there is coming up next or what the next thing will be around the bend. The bend being some new step in my life that is set on my table. I feel like every day is something new that I haven't seen before. I cannot explain these noumena in my life but I don't think they're made to be understood cognitively. Were made to go along with what were thrown. That's the point of free will right? To be able to make our own choices even if they set us down the wrong path. We, as beings made like Christ, have to learn to correct our mistakes and put or little feet back on the right path. We were made to reason and our reason should/ought to be a slave to our passions. But we find ourselves not listening to our passions but reasoning everything out and that where we go wrong. We ought to follow our passions because, if you have Christ, will be of Christ and the reason will follow shortly after. We must do what we love and our feelings will catch up later.

I have spent the entire last year of my life happy and joyful because that is what my purpose is. I have found joy in Christ and joy in the day that is before me. I take baby strides as if I am learning to walk again, walk in the way that every step is something new and uncharted. Not to be too positive or sound to philosophical, but seriously this has helped me learn that as a human I am going to fail miserably at what I am supposed to be doing, but I will pick my happy self up and learn to correct the mistakes I have made. Because God himself knows, I am human and have made plenty of mistakes.

New opportunities have risen and have shown me that not all things are perfect but with time(age) things get better. I long to be in a different stage of life but I am where I am at because of purpose. Life cannot be rushed because if it is you'll find yourself unhappy where you are at. One day, I will be the greatest at what I am doing because I have followed my heart and I have followed my passions. One day, I will be where I want to be now and I will be happy. For now, I am meant to be at peace with what is given me and take life in strides.

Praise God today. Man, He is solely awesome. He doesnt need me to prove how freaking awesome He is. It is pouring rain outside and thundering sooo loud. As I sit here and wonder why the sun isn't shining I can't help but enjoy the sight, the smell, the noise of the rain fall. It brings me joy to sit in a storm, although walking to class becomes a hassle, even more than it was. But praise goes out to Him.

My nephew evan will be staying with his aunt, my oldest sister, for a while and I can't help but think of what a blessing it is for him and for my sister. Stressors have been released. My sister is getting help, katy and trey and finding humility in having a [temporary] kid in their home, and evan gets stability for awhile. Yea, new stresses will arise for everyone but all-in-all things are alright. I think that God will bring peace in this situation. 

On another note, I am having a great day. I could not be in a better mood and things are looking up. Im wet from walking back from class but that doesn't matter because at least we have a place of refuge to come in from the storm. I have come to realize that there is glory in everything. Not shame, not hurting, nothing is lost. Everything is glorious because it is made glorious. 

Watch a sunset, go for a run, ride a bike, go fishing in a pond, walk barefoot, do a cartwheel, eat sunflower seeds, INDULGE in life. do somethings that makes you happy.

jason

joy

Every single day I wake up I find myself in the same position I was in the day before. As I come out of the drowsy state I realize it is another day of fighting for joy. This world is so full of negative things. things that bring us down and tell us were not good enough. So many people don't know how to desire God. I have come to realize that in the past two years of my life I have discovered depravity. A hunger from deep inside my gut, my soul, that tells me there is something taken from me that I have to fight back for. A fight that involves me waking each day and beginning it with longing for something more. Something that will bring a smile to my face and a warmth in my chest. If I woke each morning and knew everything was ok than something would be incredibly wrong. I cannot ever see myself being content with the present state I am in. God calls me to do something greater. He promises me something more that will bring to happiness. Each day is a battle for Joy. Each smile on my face, each little thing that you do that makes me laugh, brings me closer to Him. Each and everyone of us should wake each day longing for more joy, more passion, more hunger, more of Him, more of the God that created this Earth, that stole my heart, that restored my soul, that wiped away my sin and told me that there is something more. He is the creator, the master, my father, my friend, my longing, my comfort, my happiness, my salvation, my boat, my strength, my sword, my purpose, and my joy.

im only human after all

jason

outlooks something

Sometimes I wish I had all the answers. I wish that I was able to meet with God for coffee and be like "hey man whats the deal?" But I guess that's not the way life is supposed to be. I see people out having a good time, throwing a frisbee, or just sittin enjoying life. I love that. That brings me joy to see them having a good time. 

sorry i ran sometimes. love yall. love the fram.

jas

The way I see it by Jason

I wrote about how happy I was in my last blog. That lasted about a week. 

I left this morning from home and soon found my glasses soaked with salty liquid that poured from eyes as I drove down that endless highway. I have absolutely no clue why I was so broken. Why I hurt so bad on the inside.

I guess I will never know why or what was going on inside but as I kept driving I found myself questioning. I questioned joy, happiness, the presence of Christ in my heart, what would happen after death, and where would I be in 5 years. My mind races so endlessly for no reason. I have every single thing I want or need in life, yet I wasn't happy. I cried my eyes out for an hour straight and then some. 

I guess my answer to this is human beings, not plural but each one, cannot make it on their own. We cannot survive, live happily or even push ourselves to live another day without the help of something else. In my case its the joy of Christ. Not to mention a little pill I take once a day with food or milk. 

I think that we will always try to find happiness in things but we won't ever find true happiness here on earth because the things we dwell in are so fickle. I believe that happiness here is so short-term and, like hard drugs, only takes us as far as our next hit. We thrive for more and more and bigger and bigger until we find ourselves driving down a highway and our sleeves covered in snot from the on going crying. Christ is the only thing that gives me hope. He promises me that tomorrow will be better and if I only make it past this moment where my emotions are drowning out His voice than everything will be fine. He promises me that when I get to Heaven I will find the true happiness that I spend every freaking waking moment of my insufficient life searching for. 

Everything is fine. I guess I just need to let my emotions run rampant in my car. While I was alone and quiet. They got the best of me today. Tomorrow I shall try to conquer this. I just have to wake up and tell myself that "the whole wide world is mine."

Jason

Ah my first one.

I am in an amazing mood. 

This is something that hasn't happened in a while. 

Today was a good day. 

This is the first time I have come home and realized I don't have to hang out with everyone. I got my select few that love me and I love them.

Its as if i have felt the warmth of enjoyment. Sometimes i get caught up in crap stages where my life seems as if its a boring song. I know that that isn't the truth. Its a lie telling me im crap. im nothing. Im the dirt that the lowliest step on. Lies.

All I need is a bit of momentum to get me going. I don't know whether its something spiritual or just good time. good friends.

I have become so uncomfortable in my life. i once heard a quote that said "God comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable." I just want to go and live among the homeless, the needy, the disturbed. I have a passion to live a ragtag life.

This sounds absurd but i feel like life has just lifted and all is well. No one getting in my way or making me stumble. I realize we all fall but its the times that we rise that are the best.

shady people stay away. get a life. just kidding

encouragement is key

love you people. 

jason