outlooks something

Sometimes I wish I had all the answers. I wish that I was able to meet with God for coffee and be like "hey man whats the deal?" But I guess that's not the way life is supposed to be. I see people out having a good time, throwing a frisbee, or just sittin enjoying life. I love that. That brings me joy to see them having a good time. 

sorry i ran sometimes. love yall. love the fram.

jas

The way I see it by Jason

I wrote about how happy I was in my last blog. That lasted about a week. 

I left this morning from home and soon found my glasses soaked with salty liquid that poured from eyes as I drove down that endless highway. I have absolutely no clue why I was so broken. Why I hurt so bad on the inside.

I guess I will never know why or what was going on inside but as I kept driving I found myself questioning. I questioned joy, happiness, the presence of Christ in my heart, what would happen after death, and where would I be in 5 years. My mind races so endlessly for no reason. I have every single thing I want or need in life, yet I wasn't happy. I cried my eyes out for an hour straight and then some. 

I guess my answer to this is human beings, not plural but each one, cannot make it on their own. We cannot survive, live happily or even push ourselves to live another day without the help of something else. In my case its the joy of Christ. Not to mention a little pill I take once a day with food or milk. 

I think that we will always try to find happiness in things but we won't ever find true happiness here on earth because the things we dwell in are so fickle. I believe that happiness here is so short-term and, like hard drugs, only takes us as far as our next hit. We thrive for more and more and bigger and bigger until we find ourselves driving down a highway and our sleeves covered in snot from the on going crying. Christ is the only thing that gives me hope. He promises me that tomorrow will be better and if I only make it past this moment where my emotions are drowning out His voice than everything will be fine. He promises me that when I get to Heaven I will find the true happiness that I spend every freaking waking moment of my insufficient life searching for. 

Everything is fine. I guess I just need to let my emotions run rampant in my car. While I was alone and quiet. They got the best of me today. Tomorrow I shall try to conquer this. I just have to wake up and tell myself that "the whole wide world is mine."

Jason

Ah my first one.

I am in an amazing mood. 

This is something that hasn't happened in a while. 

Today was a good day. 

This is the first time I have come home and realized I don't have to hang out with everyone. I got my select few that love me and I love them.

Its as if i have felt the warmth of enjoyment. Sometimes i get caught up in crap stages where my life seems as if its a boring song. I know that that isn't the truth. Its a lie telling me im crap. im nothing. Im the dirt that the lowliest step on. Lies.

All I need is a bit of momentum to get me going. I don't know whether its something spiritual or just good time. good friends.

I have become so uncomfortable in my life. i once heard a quote that said "God comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable." I just want to go and live among the homeless, the needy, the disturbed. I have a passion to live a ragtag life.

This sounds absurd but i feel like life has just lifted and all is well. No one getting in my way or making me stumble. I realize we all fall but its the times that we rise that are the best.

shady people stay away. get a life. just kidding

encouragement is key

love you people. 

jason